Is This a Fork in the Road or Just a Pothole?

fork in the roadThe other night I had a gig which was long in the making. I had this crazy idea to create a video montage of the senior residents (in their youth) and sing live to it. I had hoped to monetize it by selling dvd’s to family members. 😦

The process took months, as the pics were sent as pdf’s and some were in bad shape. So naturally, I converted and restored them. The pics kept coming in as well (albeit, at my request) up until the day before my show. So I continually re-edited. I also added the names of everyone, as some of these photos went back 90 years, so recognition could be a challenge.

In the process, I found myself enamored with some of these people and I was honored to have photographs from pinnacle moments in their lives.

The next step, in hopes of selling dvd’s, was to record the music. I spent several hours at Bobby’s house recording 7 tracks in his basement. Next, I took the tracks home and engineered them at home to the best of my ability. (This can be challenging because he begins the process using ProTools and my editing program is different.)

I arrive at the residence only to have multiple technical difficulties and to learn that they expected me at 7:00, not 730. (I created a poster for the event, which stating 7:30.)

The audience was fantastic. So patient, particularly considering their age.

They loved the video. I was quite taken by their response! They even watched it a second time as I took requests and continued to sing to it.

When one of the residents requested the song “I’m Glad There Is You”, I was little choked up on the second note because I was so thrilled that to finally be presenting this.

I recovered immediately. (My son taught me a trick. He said, “If you ever find yourself getting really emotional in singing a song, think of sex!”

It really works!!! One quick visual gets you right back on track. 🙂 )

All in all, in spite of the challenges it was a great night. (The highlight being when I got meet one of my favorite subjects, Annie.) Her kids told me, “You have no idea how happy you made her tonight!”

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed that a number of them weren’t there and they laughed when I suggested purchasing a DVD. In spite of that, It was still worth the 70 or so hours I invested.

That being said… When I arrived home that night and settled in with a Magners’ (I rarely drink, but this occasion called for it) but I felt like I’d been hit in the head.

As I sat on my sofa, a few feet from the computer (where I’ve logged countless hours creating this video along with others, not to mention blogging,) I couldn’t help but ask myself “Why? What is it all for? When will I hit my saturation point? What is my “point of diminishing returns”? Am I there now? Is it time to give this all up and go back into business?”

Sometimes when I get an idea, I’m like a missile shot into space at lightning speed, that is unstoppable. In business, more often than not it’s served me well. But in the creative arts and in romance? Not so much.

My lack of confidence regarding my tenacity is no doubt fueled by the fact that I carried a torch for someone for five years in hopes that he would “come around”! WTF! That’s just embarassing. Not to mention, humiliating as f***! I took him at his word when he said, “If that ever changes, you’ll be the first to know!” Right…

My son recently explained to me that all guys are guilty (at some point) of flirting with someone who they know is into them, as an ego boost. There’s even a bar game, that men call “catch and release”!

This struck a chord with me, which keeps replaying my head. Just because I can create these videos, just because I can reach seniors on a level that seldom do, just because I can wear my heart on my sleeve, doesn’t mean that I should !!!

I began wondering, have I reached a fork in the road? Is it time to give up the dream and get “a day job” ? It scared me.

I’ve created videos as a vehicle for my voice to be heard. That isn’t happening at the rate I had hoped. (My Robin Williams tribute has 800 views in 2 days, then it took a nosedive. Nothing else has even come close.)

I’ve decided no more videos!!! I just finished two that I started long ago, and because I put a good deal of effort into the “Becoming Marilyn” video, I’m going to post it.

I decided to take a day (yesterday) to not think about anything! It was great to not wake up and NOT GO NEAR MY COMPUTER!

sick-computer-screen

The thought that I may have reached a fork in the road, causing me to change directions, scares the crap out of me, I’ve decided that perhaps it’s not a fork, but a pot hole.

I do know one thing however, tomorrow I intend to get on with getting on. NO idea what that means right now, but you can bet I’ll figure it out dammit!

While a change in direction may be warranted, it doesn’t mean I’m ready to throw the baby out with the bath water. I’ve given up far too much to do that and I love singing too much.fork in the road

It is time to take stock however. If the Mike debacle taught me nothing else, it taught me that sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel really IS an oncoming train, so GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!

Here’s the video I spoke of… I don’t imagine anyone actually watches these, but here it it is anyway.

BeFunky_imdreamingthehardest.jpg

I’m a HUGE fan of Marilyn Monroe. The older I get the more I appreciate how truly gifted,  intelligent and ahead of her time she was.

Did you know Ella Fitzgerald credited Marilyn with a great deal of her success? Evidently, Ella couldn’t get booked in “White clubs”. Marilyn was a fan and told the owner of Mocambo in LA that if he booked Ella, She would be there every night. She kept her word and fans showed up to see Marilyn and fell in love with Ella!  Marilyn helped shatter the glass ceiling against black performers in nightclubs.

Truly,

Julie

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