This evening I was thinking about quitting Facebook and decided to ask Mike if I was an “acquired taste”. He said I was quite likeable and easy to get know. I asked him about negative aspects of my personality. I did not see this coming…
“I think if you have any kind of a detriment it would be that once engaged, you keep engaging almost at a feverish pace! Then you don’t like it when there is no response! I had a hard time with that once. Not a bad thing but can be overwhelming.”
Did I just board the train to crazytown? I think my head is going to explode! He called me every day for 3 years without fail! I didn’t ask him to call, nor did I call him. And that’s only part of the story.
On one occasion he remarked that he never spoke to either one of his wives as frequently as he did me. I responded saying it wasn’t necessary to call me every day. He response was always, “You’ll be hearing from me tomorrow, as usual.” I did.
I feel like I’m being Gaslighted. The only reason it really matters is, if everything happens for a reason, what was the reason for this?
How do I change my behavior? I looked at a checklist for adult children of alcoholics. This is what I found…
“We became approval seekers and lost our personality in the process.” This can be said of me. I’ve made countless changes since he came back into my life. Some are good… some are not so good.
NOW WHAT? Do I go off on some victim mentality saying “I’m an emotional cripple because I’m an adult child of alcoholics?” HELL NO! Absolutely NOT!
Wallowing in that serves no purpose whatsoever. Knowledge is power. Learn it and move on. I’ve learned it, now move on. Do I possess other traits as well? No doubt. So do a shitload of people whose parents never even drank. But this isn’t about that.
The task before me, as I see it, is how do I fix this using the Law of Attraction? I can’t allow myself to become frightened of the mess I’ve gotten myself into. I need to find the positive.
I can start with gratitude. I totally get why Mike and I were not meant to be a couple. For that I’m grateful. I would have preferred to have figured this out years ago. But I guess that’s something else to be grateful for as well.
My gut told me on multiple occasions that this is not a good match, but I ignored it, hanging on desperately to the silly romantic notion of a 15 year old and the age old concept of long lost love. (Being a hopeless romantic, it never would have crossed my mind that it was “lost love” for a very good reason!) Talk about “arrested development!” Another worthy lesson.
Getting into a positive mindset will be the ultimate challenge. If I can do that I will have acquired a new skill.
I need to focus on this “people pleasing” piece. I’m seriously guilty of seeking approval. (I attribute that little gem much more to my ex husband than my parents!)
As you can see, I’ve got my work cut out for me. Il let you knew what comes of it.