Desire is a very powerful emotion. It’s probably our greatest motivator. Whether it’s a desire to be wealthy, successful, popular or beautiful. We live with it on a daily basis. It greets us first thing in the morning and often helps you to nod off at night. When you speak of desire, more often than not this is the kind you’re talking about.
I want to talk about a slightly different kind of desire. The feeling of being desired by another person. That’s a whole other animal. In this relatively new arena of technology and social media, the desired to be desired is closing in rapidly on the heels of what we typically consider when speaking of desire. Whether on Facebook, Pinterest, Linked in, Instagram, My Space, OK Cupid, Plenty Of Fish, etc. It doesn’t matter. In some cases, acceptance just isn’t enough anymore.
My gym was bought out by a Corporation. Unfortunately it turned into a cold, strictly regimented and antiseptic environment with shorter hours. I hated it. So I quit.
Since then, I’ve put on over 20 pounds. I loved the feeling of having a firm, perky tusch. Now it’s deteriorating into a mess that seems to follow me around whereever I go. I know better. So I’ve been trying to figure out why it happened.
I realized that what got me to start working out again (after an unhealthy hiatus) was the feeling of being desired. However, the last several months I’ve been on the giving, not receiving end of desire.
There is a major player in my life who I’ve been completely smitten with for some time. I rarely see him because he lives across country. It was his spoken desire for me a couple years ago, that drove me to take better care of myself. He actually wanted and accepted me as is. It doesn’t get any sexier than that! I felt alive again knowing that someone I admired, who admired me, wanted to engage in crazy passionate sex.
The French have a word for orgasm. It’s “le petit mort”. Translated it means,”the little death”. There was a time when I found the expression totally eluded me.
<p I love sex. Starting with the flirtation,
leading to anticipation, then titillation, then foreplay, exploring each other’s bodies and finally, if you’re lucky, an explosive blast of loud, lusty, steamy, wet orgasm. Then what? “Le petit mort”. It’s unavoidable!
There are occasional exceptions…when you are so excited you are able to go several rounds. To me, it’s like going in the tilt-a-whirl or roller coaster over and over again without getting sick or bored
I think one of the reasons that younger men are sometimes attracted to older women, is that we understand “le petit mort”. After sex a lot of men either want to fall asleep or get up and mow the lawn or go play hockey. As a younger woman, this inclination offended me.
I’ve discovered the more meaningless the sex, the greater le petit mort. Afterwards I have with the urge to yell “Fire!” just to get them out of my bed and/or apartment. If they decide to spend the night, invariably I sneak off into my other bedroom to get some sleep. I’ve grown accustomed to sleeping alone.
Meaningless sex was 100 times more fun during the sexual revolution. Maybe because my generation honed the concept of meaningless sex. It was definitely friendlier. The morning after I slept with my ex-husband (we’d only met the night before) we couldn’t remember each others’ names. We got married and stayed that way for 24 years.
It wasn’t until someone whose personality I find appealing, flirted with me online recently that I realized I’ve been on the wrong end of desire for far too long!
I’m not talking about some mope from OkCupid whose philosophy is “throw it against the wall and see what sticks!” I’m talking about a flirtation that pops up when you least expect it, from an intellectual equal. (“Intellectual equal” meaning someone of a similar mindset. Not claiming to be an intellectual!)
Point being, I need to tighten things up so I feel strong, beautiful and lusty again. I want to set the world on fire before I have neither the energy nor the inclination. Even if it’s short lived, it can be enough to ignite your pilot light and the rest is up to you. Do you know what I mean?
When’s the last time you felt desired? Or you actually entertained a flirtation? It’s healthy, even if it’s logistically impractical. Life is too short. So why the hell not?! I’ll keep you posted if you’re interested.
I’ll leave you with a few quotes that seem appropropriate to this post…
“It’s always nice being wanted. Even if it’s by the wrong person.”
― Tabitha Suzuma, Forbidden
“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.”
― Mick Jagger
“There is no fulfillment that is not made sweeter for the prolonging of desire”
― Jacqueline Carey, Kushiel’s Dart
“Profound desire, true desire is the desire to be close to someone.”
― Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes
“A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement”
― Jess C. Scott
“Sex is the consolation you have when you can’t have love”
― Gabriel García Márquez
“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”
― Federico García Lorca,
“You can want and want and want, but if he doesn’t want you back … you might as well wish the sky were red.”
― Sophie Kinsella, Twenties Girl
“I envy people that know love. They have someone who takes them as they are.”
― Jess C. Scott