Spring is Sprung and Butts are in Full Bloom!

crocus_purple10Like crocuses popping up after a long hard winter, Chicagoans look forward with great zeal to the end of a brutal winter blast. This past winter was like Barney’s interminable “Song that never ends”. No one was exempt! Not even these Cuties!BeFunky_enhanced-buzz-28249-1352072906-7-580x435.jpgWhen spring comes into bloom, so does my obsession.

So, what is my obsession? Spring Fashions? Women’s shoes? Hats? NOPE!


We’ve been eagerly anticipating shedding some of the many layers we’ve been donning all winter. Some may shed more than what is deemed “fashionably correct”, but I applaud their Bravura. BeFunky_020312pod06_J.jpgMaybe it’s a midwestern thing, but most people don’t seem to care what goes on “behind” the scenes. (Not until beach weather arrives, then it’s time to haul ass!) Perhaps we’re just so glad to feel the warmth of the sun on our faces that we aren’t thinking about our backsides.

Prior to my physical therapy, butts were merely an object of ridicule by mean girls and snarky sisters. They are soooo much more than that!  GetAttachment.aspx (2)Strong glutes and core can alleviate back pain.

it bands adn glutes - Copy The IT bands, if not broken down regularly, can  REALLY MESS YOU UP. Don’t even get me started on the  SEXY SARTORIAL muscle!! It’s the longest muscle in the body that wraps from your out hip to inner knee. These things play a critical role in your overall health.

I started looking at how people walk and how they engage their glutes. I became OBSESSED!!

It’s not a sexual thing. (Most of the time..) Nor is my fascination gender specific either. Among other things, I think butts are funny! BeFunky_beavis-butthead.jpg I guess that puts me on a par with Beavis and Butthead.

Big ones, round ones, skinny ones, flabby ones, hard ones, soft ones, droopy ones, perky ones etc. Doesn’t matter. I appreciate them all because they tell a story.

I love the scene in Forrest Gump when Forrest Gump moons LBJ.

“Where were you wounded?” ( LBJ inquires, referring to a geographical location)

“In the buttocks, sir.” Forest replies

“I’d kind of like to see that”! Johnson replies.Forrest obliges.

forrest-gump-quotes-14 biggerHow about the classic Geico commercial with “Honest Abe”?

Mary Lincoln is standing in front of a mirror in a hoop skirt checking herself out.

geico mary lincoln
Does this dress make my backside look big?

After sizing her up for sometime, he cannot tell a lie..

Maybe just a little.

Mary storms off.

Finally, there’s “Working girl”.

“Get your bony ass out of my face!”

Threatens Melanie Griffith to Sigourney Weaver after Weaver’s character had stolen Melanie’s work.

sigourney bony assYou go Mel! Strike a blow for us shapely girls!

As a female, having a big or shapely butt was tantamount to social suicide, creating “wallflowers”everywhere.


Then J lo came along and rocked that ass with great pride! That opened the floodgates for the rest of us. (Granted, no one comes close to Ms. Lopez!)

Things got even brighter when the hourglass Christina Hendricks first appeared on Mad Men. Not only did she reset the standard for beautiful women, she blew it up! joans-red-dress I was blind to her impact until in the locker room some woman admonished me not to lose too much weight, because Madmen had men (who love voluptuous women) coming “out of the closet!”

Speaking of men, what’s their deal? Have we managed to chase them into the closet?

This guy probably has a very nice tush. But he’s hiding it so well, it’s as if someone let the air out of his ass.

In truth, I happen to know this guy very well. He has a great tush. But you’d never know it by these jeans.

He gave me his blessing to use his pic with the caveat mention that I tell women to stop worrying about “thigh gap”!

He said it took thousands of years of evolution to acquire our distinctly feminine shapes and we should leave it alone!

The rings of a tree tell it’s story. The shape of your butt tells a similar story. You can get a pretty good idea as to age, diet and exercise. When I say “diet” , I’m not referring to ” calorie counters” necessarily.

I mean those who spend time celebrating with friends and/or family. Happy people who are not afraid to eat and enjoy life!

derry-dinner You can also get a pretty good idea as to whether or not they spend alot of time on the computer, working or studying (or blogging.) You can sometimes tell the warriors from the wannabes.

Have you taken a look lately?

Here are a few brave souls who popped up in 65 degree weather a couple weeks ago.

I love this pic! She is definitely a warrior! There is a lot of strength going on there and she’s not afraid to show it.
I love this too. She’s turned her derriere into optic art. You go sista!

Here’s my favorite. Just a couple girls out getting a breath of fresh air after a long ass winter!GetAttachment.aspx

Here’s a bit of eye candy… your reward for reading this far!

Matthew Mcconaughey’s butt…

OK! I must admit that putting this post together has truly inspired me! I know what I’ll be doing this afternoon…

BTW KUDOS to NIKE FOR THIS AD!SPRING IS SPRUNG! FINALLY!!!!!  Don’t sweat the small stuff!

gene kelly assSO get out there and shake your tail feather! (In spite of his short stature, Gene Kelly had THE MOST PERFECT BODY!!)

Are you a fan of the springtime tushie? If so, please share this post on Twitter, Facebook, tumblr, etc THANKS!


Published by: JB chants

I was contacted by OkCupid a month after signing up, telling me I was in the top 5% response rate and asking my secret. I was stunned. I was in my 50's! Beats me! It's not as though I posted racy photos or I was plagued by blinding beauty! However it served it's purpose,in terms of finding dates,but finding a mate? Not so much. Along the way, I had some pretty nutty encounters, some more lethal than others. While my blog started as a retelling of these amorous tales, it's morphed into a myriad of stories, including many from my time on the planet. They range from working with the amazing Henry Winkler, auditioning for Nadia Boulanger, an attempted assault by one of Al Capone's retired former henchmen, and offering a homeless man (who was also a convicted murderer) a place to stay for the night. While most of this is older material but I'm considering penning epilogues or postmortems from my post pandemic, post #metoo perspective, as well as sharing more. So many stories to tell! Thanks for stopping by! Cheers!

Categories Humor, nanodatingTags, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 42 Comments

42 thoughts on “Spring is Sprung and Butts are in Full Bloom!”

  1. Ha ha, brilliant! And I love your male friend’s advice too! Get your ass out there and start enjoying spring! I’ll be sitting on my ass as winter is back here 😉

      1. Omg! I’m so sorry to hear that! I think we’re finally done. I’m relieved that summer is coming slowly now. Was afraid we’d go from 20 to 90 overnight. I need time to repair the damage. 🙂

      1. Yeah, I’d heard of it back in college but I don’t think it had that actual name then! Or was so important! Women be crazy 😉

      2. 🙂 I’ve met some guys who actually dig it! They say it separates us one step further from guys. So much of our body issues comes form other women. We really should stop doing that to each other!!!

      3. Yeah, I’ve never had any complaints from guys – but the stares I get from some of the women here make me feel like something they scraped off their shoe 😉

      4. I just wear less make-up, put on my tracksuit and trainers and scowl back 😉 The women here aren’t beautiful, at least not my definition of it. It’s all about what’s on the outside. They look down on anyone who isn’t manicured or pedicured or fake-tanned or hair-styled to within an inch of their lives. I know I could buy and sell most of them with one hand tied behind my back so it doesn’t get to me that much 😉

      5. Hopefully September! Yeah, the Germans seem to be much nicer people. Far more down to earth. The Latvian women look down on the women there for being ‘mannish’ whereas I just see happy successful women who know what’s important in life – it’s all about priorities 😉

      6. Maybe it’s those long summer nights. How on earth do you manage those? I’m happy to say, it sounds very different from the latvian Americans I know.

      7. I think if they leave early enough, they change completely. The problem is when they come back – they revert 😉 Keep your friends there!

      8. Haha! You have to tell me something. Is there a traditional appetizer of small open faced sandwiches slathered in mayo and maybe beef or ham deli meat?

      9. They don’t really do beef here that much at all! It’s more about the pork – but to me it’s not very good quality – very fatty. They also have these fish called sprats – I don’t do fish though so I can’t comment!

      10. I’m from Dublin – spend a couple of days there and then hit the countryside! And Cork and Galway are lovely too 😉 And Kilkenny!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s