COSTCO…The “Pusher” to Food Junkies

In some cases trips to Costco can be a bit like Sex. The seduction begins as I walk through the doors.

My inner shopping spirit…

Here’s my inner dialogue…


ME: I’m only here to pick up soy milk.
IV: Fine. Do that.
IV: Good. Glad that’s settled.
ME: OMG! They have white peaches!
IV: Keep going…
ME: The blackberries look amazing…so firm and shiny…

I pick up the soy milk. On my way out of the cooler I spy 2 logs of goat cheese.

ME: Wow! Goat cheese is so cheap here! I can easily figure out a way to use two large logs of Chevre. I CAN MAKE A SPINACH SALAD!
IV: So?
ME: Spinach is loaded with Iron. I really should eat more of it.
IV: You’re not anemic…
ME: Goat cheese has vitamin D. Everyone LOVES this salad! (I got the recipe from a favorite Italian restaurant before closing their doors.)
IV: Keep moving! Wait a minute. Why do you need a grocery cart for one item??
ME: I can throw my purse in it. I’ll just go pick up some spinach.

Off I go to the Palace of Produce aka the cooler section… I grab a box of prewashed baby spinach.

IV: You better eat all that! There are starving people in the world who would love to have some spinach.
ME: Ok. But somehow I doubt that baby spinach is high on their wish list. But I get the point. I’ll have Mike and Anuja over for brunch and make spinach omelettes.

Those blackberries are glistening at me.

ME: I should really eat more blackberries. They’re so good for you!
I grab one box… then two more.

IV: ???
ME: I’d pay four times as much at a regular store and they wouldn’t be as fresh! (Did you know Costco has their own blackberry farm in Costa Rica? They’re shipped the day after picking.)
IV: ???
ME: I eat them several times a day. You know that!
IV: That was AGES ago. The last 3 times you did this you wanted to save them for a special occasion and ended up tossing the furry little sucker out, covered in fur!
ME: That won’t happen if I have peaches to go with them… and raspberries.
IV: Really? You’re gonna buy a case of white peaches? YOU LIVE ALONE!

ME: Short season. JUST LOOK AT THEM, THEY’RE Calling to me… “Take me hoooome with you…”

I’ll make peaches and blackberries. I can also make my ginger peach lemonade. I love that!
IV: When will you have time?
ME: Oh Shut up! Seafood is calling… I’ll make a mixed grill of scallops, shrimp and crab legs drizzled with garlic butter and topped with lemon zest and Italian parsley. Hmm. I’ll want a romaine salad and some crusty bread to go with that. OH! And don’t forget the Parm.Image
IV: Damn. That sounds good. That’s a lovely baguette you’ve got there… what about desert?
ME: I thought I’d do something light like peaches and blackberries’ macerated in a bit of sugar in the raw and splashed with Cointreau.
IV: I think we’re low on sugar in the raw. Better get a 10 lb bag…Maybe while you’re here you should pick up a couple pounds of asparagus for grilling too.
ME: Good idea!
IV: And get some of those wonderful buttery Madeleines to go with desert. Anuja loves those! They’re also great with morning tea for breakfast.Image

ME: Great Idea! So glad I came here today! Image

I head for the checkout counter. Soon it will all be mine! I’ll make some amazing meals. This is gonna be fun!

CLERK: That will be $150.

I hand over my card, (the finishing touches). APPROVED! It’s all mine!

I’m so amazing! Can’t wait to cook.

You can’t exit a Costco anywhere in this country without a sentinel checking out your cart to see if you have any stolen contraband. He’s usually always smiling.

Imagine the Dowager Countess checking out your cache instead. It would be perfect! Although Costco stock would plummet.

dowagercountess brigherAs I head for the car, I still feel the rush.

Halfway home “Le petit mort” (French slang for “orgasm” translated means “the little death”) sets in.


ME: How many trips will it take to get all this upstairs?
IV: I’m hungry. I forgot to eat today.

I pop open the raspberries and struggle with opening the Madeleines at a stop light.
After taking a “lazy man’s load” of about 40 lbs of groceries upstairs in two oversized Ikea bags, I throw myself onto the sofa and stare into space.

ME: I’m exhausted. What was I thinking?
IV: I warned you…But did you listen?
ME: Where am I gonna put all this?  I’ll take a short nap and deal with it later.

Your truly,


Published by: JB chants

I was contacted by OkCupid a month after signing up, telling me I was in the top 5% response rate and asking my secret. I was stunned. I was in my 50's! Beats me! It's not as though I posted racy photos or I was plagued by blinding beauty! However it served it's purpose,in terms of finding dates,but finding a mate? Not so much. Along the way, I had some pretty nutty encounters, some more lethal than others. While my blog started as a retelling of these amorous tales, it's morphed into a myriad of stories, including many from my time on the planet. They range from working with the amazing Henry Winkler, auditioning for Nadia Boulanger, an attempted assault by one of Al Capone's retired former henchmen, and offering a homeless man (who was also a convicted murderer) a place to stay for the night. While most of this is older material but I'm considering penning epilogues or postmortems from my post pandemic, post #metoo perspective, as well as sharing more. So many stories to tell! Thanks for stopping by! Cheers!

Categories Humor, nanodating, refrigerator blindnessTags, , , , , 20 Comments

20 thoughts on “COSTCO…The “Pusher” to Food Junkies”

      1. No, is it like a discount supermarket? If so, I guess the equivalent would be LIDL or ALDI – German chains. The Germans like their discount shopping 🙂
        PS. We made Smithson blush with the last thread – never thought I’d see the day 😉

      2. Actually Costso is warehouse shopping with everything from diamonds, to European vacations, from Designer bags to toilet paper and cookware and a TON of foods! All stocked in a no nonsense, no frills manner.

      3. I don’t think we have an equivalent! But I want to go! ALDI and LIDL are no frills but just groceries as far as I’m aware!

      4. Ya. we have Aldi. You could probably fit 4 Aldi’s into one costco…the epitome of Americana. Over the top…but sooo great! The cool thing is they treat their staff really well. Outstanding pay and benefits. So bitchiness is a rarity. It’s a wholesale club. As business member, they refund 2% of your purchases at the end of the year. It’s like found money!

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