In some cases trips to Costco can be a bit like Sex. The seduction begins as I walk through the doors.
Here’s my inner dialogue…
(IV= INNER VOICE)
ME: I’m only here to pick up soy milk.
IV: Fine. Do that.
ME: I WILL !
IV: Good. Glad that’s settled.
ME: OMG! They have white peaches!
IV: Keep going…
ME: The blackberries look amazing…so firm and shiny…
IV: SOY MILK…
I pick up the soy milk. On my way out of the cooler I spy 2 logs of goat cheese.
ME: Wow! Goat cheese is so cheap here! I can easily figure out a way to use two large logs of Chevre. I CAN MAKE A SPINACH SALAD!
ME: Spinach is loaded with Iron. I really should eat more of it.
IV: You’re not anemic…
ME: Goat cheese has vitamin D. Everyone LOVES this salad! (I got the recipe from a favorite Italian restaurant before closing their doors.)
IV: Keep moving! Wait a minute. Why do you need a grocery cart for one item??
ME: I can throw my purse in it. I’ll just go pick up some spinach.
Off I go to the Palace of Produce aka the cooler section… I grab a box of prewashed baby spinach.
IV: You better eat all that! There are starving people in the world who would love to have some spinach.
ME: Ok. But somehow I doubt that baby spinach is high on their wish list. But I get the point. I’ll have Mike and Anuja over for brunch and make spinach omelettes.
Those blackberries are glistening at me.
ME: I should really eat more blackberries. They’re so good for you!
I grab one box… then two more.
ME: I’d pay four times as much at a regular store and they wouldn’t be as fresh! (Did you know Costco has their own blackberry farm in Costa Rica? They’re shipped the day after picking.)
ME: I eat them several times a day. You know that!
IV: That was AGES ago. The last 3 times you did this you wanted to save them for a special occasion and ended up tossing the furry little sucker out, covered in fur!
ME: That won’t happen if I have peaches to go with them… and raspberries.
IV: Really? You’re gonna buy a case of white peaches? YOU LIVE ALONE!
I’ll make peaches and blackberries. I can also make my ginger peach lemonade. I love that!
IV: When will you have time?
ME: Oh Shut up! Seafood is calling… I’ll make a mixed grill of scallops, shrimp and crab legs drizzled with garlic butter and topped with lemon zest and Italian parsley. Hmm. I’ll want a romaine salad and some crusty bread to go with that. OH! And don’t forget the Parm.
IV: Damn. That sounds good. That’s a lovely baguette you’ve got there… what about desert?
ME: I thought I’d do something light like peaches and blackberries’ macerated in a bit of sugar in the raw and splashed with Cointreau.
IV: I think we’re low on sugar in the raw. Better get a 10 lb bag…Maybe while you’re here you should pick up a couple pounds of asparagus for grilling too.
ME: Good idea!
IV: And get some of those wonderful buttery Madeleines to go with desert. Anuja loves those! They’re also great with morning tea for breakfast.
I head for the checkout counter. Soon it will all be mine! I’ll make some amazing meals. This is gonna be fun!
CLERK: That will be $150.
I hand over my card, (the finishing touches). APPROVED! It’s all mine!
I’m so amazing! Can’t wait to cook.
You can’t exit a Costco anywhere in this country without a sentinel checking out your cart to see if you have any stolen contraband. He’s usually always smiling.
Imagine the Dowager Countess checking out your cache instead. It would be perfect! Although Costco stock would plummet.
Halfway home “Le petit mort” (French slang for “orgasm” translated means “the little death”) sets in.
ME: How many trips will it take to get all this upstairs?
IV: I’m hungry. I forgot to eat today.
I pop open the raspberries and struggle with opening the Madeleines at a stop light.
After taking a “lazy man’s load” of about 40 lbs of groceries upstairs in two oversized Ikea bags, I throw myself onto the sofa and stare into space.
ME: I’m exhausted. What was I thinking?
IV: I warned you…But did you listen?
ME: Where am I gonna put all this? I’ll take a short nap and deal with it later.