It only took me five years. But I FINALLY understand my obsession with Mike. (I haven’t had an obsession with a guy since eighth grade, and that was probably only because we produced a show together.)
When Mike and I met at Military Academy as kids, we were both kind of like “lost children”. After we found each other, we watched out for each other, which explains the shoebox of memorabilia that he kept from that summer and said it was the happiest time of his life. He started drinking for the first time after I left and kept drinking for years after that.
I realize now that we were like Jenny and Forrest in “Forrest Gump”. Only I’m Forrest and he’s Jenny. (Granted, I’m not much of a runner and he has never performed naked onstage, but you get the idea.)
The difference between me and Forrest, (in this situation) is, unlike Forrest, I have a libido, which is fully operational and needs some attention from someone other than myself.
Thus may be a bit of an over- simplification, but it all makes sense to me now. My son even said, “That nails it, mom! ”
The end result is, I have an AMAZING friend for life. I often used to think that my dad sent Mike back into my life, (in spite of them never having met). He alone, fills the void left by the memory of my four brothers when they were young, before they all turned into big creeps. I haven’t seen in years.
Since he came back into my life, Mike watches over me, which is why it’s easy to misinterpret his actions. I can’t recall anyone ever doing that for me, partly because I’ve always been very independent and also because I can be a force to reckon with. I usually do the “protecting”. Clearly, I equated that with romantic love. I don’t think Mike ever wanted that. I guess that’s a good thing. Because I wouldn’t want to risk what I have with him for anything in the world. (Although, if I’m being perfectly honest, I don’t think it would be a risk at all.)
So, on that level, LIFE IS GRAND! I AM FINALLY FREE TO MOVE ON! It feels pretty amazing and I’m So grateful!
Hope you’ll check out my new blog MARILYN, NAPOLEAN & ME