I haven’t written in awhile because I’ve bogged down with my personal injury trial. I intend to write about it once I finally get closure, which I’m hoping is imminent. (I must admit it’s very freeing to know that my blog cannot come up at trial.  Opposing counsel was overtly inquisitive about personal matters and it had me paranoid.)

Let’s discuss sex. Shall we? If you read my blog,  you know that I am a very strong believer in both the health and mental health benefits of handling things yourself. (Masturbation…such a creepy word.)

That being said,  I realized this morning that all my fantasies basically revolve around a total of two men. My “bench” is way too thin!

One thing these two men have in common is, they are both unattainable. (Which may ultimately be a good thing,  but it didn’t help my situation.)

The first one is Mike. That’s a fantasy I kept alive for about five years because I thought that we were destined to be together as lovers. WRONG! For the record, although he was the first to give me an orgasm, I don’t think sex is really important to him at all, making all those images I conjured up in my head, truly a fantasy!

Then there’s, “Prince Liam”. Sex with Liam was something I will never forget.  I couldn’t if I tried, which I’m not likely to do. It was as if we had been lovers for years. The tenderness and passion remain unparalleled in my experience. Two of the most memorable 2 hours of my life.

But that was also a bust. He moved away. We’ve been in touch occasionally,  but after all this time, he hasn’t pulled the trigger. He wanted to visit, (giving me 3.5 hours notice along with a comment about wanting me to do “that thing you do. ..”) but I declined. That would be like a “drive by” and would no doubt leave me wanting more.

So here I am, trying to fulfill a desire and bored with my fantasy life. What a bore! Right?

As I began to conjure up the usual scenario, I had what Larry David would call a “pop in”. Only the “pop in” was me!! This was my inner dialogue…

JB: Really? You’re gonna go “there” again?

Me: What? It gets the job done.

JB: Ya think so?  Aren’t you bored?

Me: Maybe a little… Ya. Super bored.

JB: We can do better than that. Can’t we?

Me: What are you suggesting?

JB: Ever consider that maybe you’ve become too comfortable with desiring men you can’t have?  It’s a lot easier because it isn’t as messy as the real thing. (I don’t mean in the literal sense, although that works too.  😉 )

You’ve become too comfortable with coming up short in the “men department”. It’s gonna turn you into an old woman if you’re not careful.

The torch you carried for Mike was doused in a bucket of cold water…again. This time by his feelings for another woman.

The one thing they both had in common was appealing to to your sense of fantasy. They both talked a great game, but never made an appearance.

I suggest you toss these tired, stale, old fantasies and fantasize about having a strong, tight, butt! “Build it and they will cum, er, come!” (I know. That was bad.) At least you’ll feel better about yourself and you may even find a real lover who wants to be there and who also happens to love sex and intimacy. What a concept!

Me: Jeez you have a lot of energy first thing in the morning.

JB: Probably because I’m horny and frustrated. Fix this!!!

There is a lesson to be learned here, ya know…

Me: What’s that?

JB: Keep a watchful eye on men who try to engage your sense of fantasy. Most likely, that’s all there is. The one who talks less and does more is the guy for you.

Me: Good point! I’ll keep it in mind.

And so it goes…btw, climaxing to porn via cable, is like eating Chinese food. It’s over before you know it and before long you’re hungry again. Only works in a pinch. It’s pretty empty.


Thanks for checking out my blog.

It feels so GREAT to be writing again!



Published by: JB chants

I was contacted by OkCupid a month after signing up, telling me I was in the top 5% response rate and asking my secret. I was stunned. I was in my 50's! Beats me! It's not as though I posted racy photos or I was plagued by blinding beauty! However it served it's purpose,in terms of finding dates,but finding a mate? Not so much. Along the way, I had some pretty nutty encounters, some more lethal than others. While my blog started as a retelling of these amorous tales, it's morphed into a myriad of stories, including many from my time on the planet. They range from working with the amazing Henry Winkler, auditioning for Nadia Boulanger, an attempted assault by one of Al Capone's retired former henchmen, and offering a homeless man (who was also a convicted murderer) a place to stay for the night. While most of this is older material but I'm considering penning epilogues or postmortems from my post pandemic, post #metoo perspective, as well as sharing more. So many stories to tell! Thanks for stopping by! Cheers!

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